


Drawing a Blank

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Heart-to-Heart, M/M, Romance, Sex, This is what happens when I'm allowed to think for too long, tiny hint of Makoharu but don't worry don't panic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 05:40:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1293406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A heart-to-heart that was long overdue. A sketchbook that needed more red. Two hearts finally connect, after so long.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drawing a Blank

**Author's Note:**

> WRITTEN BEFORE THE RELEASE OF THE DUET. Just throwing that out there; this was purely speculative. Thank you~

"...I never thought you'd want to stay over..."

"Well it's been awhile since I've been to your place!"

Rin's enthusiasm was odd. It was odd when they were kids, and it was odd now. It could start off calm and collected, like a drizzle of rain, but say the right word, give the right idea, be the right person, and it would all come pouring out like a thunderstorm in July.

Today had been a drizzle, both for Rin and the weather itself, the skies overcast, the sun down, and the moon nowhere to be seen. The rain pattered quietly outside, and Haruka was sitting on his bedroom floor, or rather, the futon that he'd made for Rin, watching his newly-regained friend dry himself off. Rin was using his towel, and asking to wear one of his shirts; it wasn't any trouble, but the devout swimmer had to wonder why, if he'd planned to stay over tonight, hadn't he packed properly? It was fortunate that Haruka wasn't that much shorter than him, not that that helped terribly. The shirt was still a bit small on Rin, tight, but from the looks of it, he didn't seem to mind.

And if he did mind, he would only have himself to blame for it.

. . .

...Rin was in his home.

It still amazed Haruka. Just seeing him standing there...happy...smiling...it was all a bit surreal. He, himself, and Makoto had all hung out for most of the day, catching up, talking. Rei and Nagisa had wanted to come, but couldn't make it; something about karaoke and 'making up for last time.' Then Makoto had left while Rin was in the bath, and now...

"Haru?"

He blinked, snapping out of his daze and sighing when Rin called for him. His brow was raised, and he had a toothbrush halfway in his mouth, teeth clenching down on the head in a grin.

"Spacey as ever."

"Shut up."

Haruka stood up and announced that he was going to take his bath next. Rin called after him to take his time and then waited to hear the sound of the door shutting before laughing softy to himself.

"Dumba-...hm?"

His smile fell slightly as his eye caught something new in his periphery. Just beside the futon, barely out of sight, was...something. Something under Haruka's bed. A book? A magazine?

Rin smirked devilishly as he finished up with his teeth and quickly dropped down to the floor, reaching under the bed and...aha! It _was_ a book! A blue notebook with a thick spine and...oh man. Oh man, what could this be?

There was a part of Rin who was opting to put it back. A part of him that was treasuring the fact that he and Haruka were where they were right now. Together and civil. Understanding one another...somewhat...to an extent...well, Rin understood Haruka. That was all.

And then there was the part that needed to know, and before he knew it, he was opening the cover.

. . . . . . .

"...how do you just _lose_ a dolphin?"

Haruka murmured to himself in the tub. He took a quiet breath and slowly submerged his head, letting the water rush over his face and drift through his hair.

Rin had misplaced their Iwatobi Swim Club keepsake. How did that even happen? Where would it get to, other than the bath? Maybe he'd taken it out to the ocean? Or the pools in Australia?

...had he thrown it out? Had he been that mad at Haruka back then?

Haruka's own dolphin bobbed above him, and he poked it from below, watching it teeter and totter until it went back to normal.

. . .

He came up with small gasp and ran his fingers through his hair. The dolphin went with the ripples he made and clinked into the wall, once, twice.

With a sigh, Haruka climbed out and quickly dressed himself. The sooner he got back to his room, the better. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that leaving Rin alone would cause trouble, so it was with a quick pace that he stepped down the hall, drying his hair with a towel as he opened the door to his room-

. . .

...to find Rin staring down at his sketchbook in a daze, jaw slack, completely awe-struck. He hadn't even noticed that Haruka had walked in, and when he did, he scarcely cared about the fact that he'd been caught.

"Put that back."

" _Did you draw these_?"

"Yes. Now put it back."

"...I didn't even know you could draw....

"...haa..."

Haruka huffed, sitting down on his bed and continuing to rub his hair dry. Great, this was going to be a thing. It wasn't a problem that his friends knew, but after that incident with the art club trying to kidnap him, he'd figured it'd be in his best interests to keep his talent a private secret.

It hadn't even occurred to him that Rin wouldn't know. Of course he wouldn't; they hadn't been together like this in four years.

The silence would be broken occasionally by the sound of a page flipping, followed by a quiet exhale from Rin.

"...Haru...these are _really_ good."

"They're okay."

"Holy shit, is this _Rei_? Did you _draw Rei_?"

Rin turned around and held up the book, gesturing shortly to a picture that Haruka remembered quite well. He nodded, wishing Rin would just close it and be done.

"That was before I knew he couldn't swim...he hadn't joined the team yet, but he looked like he could make for a good poster-b-"

"Oh my _God_..."

...ugh.

Rin was in complete disbelief. He just kept staring at the pages, at each illustration, turning for more and more. If it weren't so annoying, Haruka might have found it endearing.

"You know it's rude to snoop through people's stuff, right? Is etiquette different in Australia?"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry...this one's Makoto, isn't it?"

"...yeah."

"...and Nagisa..."

Rin's voice grew quieter by the minute. Haruka was watching him, waiting, unsure of what to say or do. This was _Rin_ , something and someone completely unpredictable in Haruka's life.

They were silent for endless minutes, no words spoken, just the gentle rain and the _flip_ , _flip_ , _flip_ of the pages, until finally, Rin came to the last image; a cherry blossom bud, colored intricately and lovingly in colored pencil, pinks and whites and crimsons, and he thought for a moment that it might burst into full bloom and grow right off the page. The next turn showed him blank white, and so did the next, and the next before Haruka murmured, "That's it."

. . .

Rin quietly handed the sketchbook back to its owner, not looking much of anywhere. Certainly not to Haruka.

"Not bad."

They had all been beautifully recreated. Lovingly sketched and penciled in. Rin could see that each stroke of the pencil had been with purpose, and it paid off with raw talent. He thought for a moment that Makoto's arms were going to start circling in a backstroke, and that Nagisa's smile would turn into boisterous laughter, or that Rei would open his mouth and say something stupid about beauty. It was all perfect, gorgeous, meticulous yet effortless...Haruka. It was all Haruka.

...and yet...

"...sorry, I–...I saw it, and I was curious."

"It's fine."

. . .

"How long have you...?"

"About two years ago."

"Did you take a class?"

"I was bored one day. I think it was storming, so I couldn't swim."

Rin held back what would have been a bark of a laugh. Of course it'd be a reason like that; _'I couldn't swim, so I got a new hobby that I was also really good at for no good reason_.' Haruka sighed and quietly slipped the sketchbook back under his bed, not noticing the way his friend's eyes followed it the whole way down. When he looked back up, Rin had quickly averted his gaze.

"...what?"

"What 'what?'"

"...nothin'...you just draw well, that's all..."

"..."

Of course that wasn't all. Haruka might not have been able to read Rin before, but now, the water was less murky. He was annoyed about something...about what? That Haruka could draw? That he'd kept it a secret? Well, he hadn't done it intentionally; they'd _just_ reconciled, it hadn't really had a chance to come up yet. They'd been too busy with the little things like 'What are you to me now?' and other confusion.

Haruka decided now wasn't the time to ponder on it. The rain was lulling him to sleep much faster than he'd cared to admit, and the room held the faintest tinge of bath wash that certainly wasn't aiding him in staying awake.

"Ready for bed?"

"Guess so."

"'kay."

"I'll get the light."

Rin's offer went with him across the room as he stood and flipped the switch, plunging the room into a darkness that was only pierced by the soft glow of the street lamps outside. Thunder could be heard rumbling in the distance...no lightning, though. Not yet. He stumbled through the dark back to the futon, and Haruka watched him get settled before settling in himself.

"Night."

"Night..."

. . .

But again, of course it wasn't that simple. Haruka stared at the ceiling, suddenly very much awake, and before he could say anything, Rin did.

"Haru?"

"Yeah?"

"...how often do you draw?"

"..."

"..."

"...whenever I feel like it. Not too often, I guess...more in the winter than the summer."

"The months where there's nowhere to swim? Makes sense."

Rin chuckled, a sound that went very nicely with the rain, and for whatever reason, Haruka was suddenly eased of a great deal of tension.

"Well...I got my pass and all that...ya know, for Samezuka's pool. If you ever...I mean, if you guys ever wanna practice in like, winter...yeah, you know..."

His voice trailed off, and Haruka's eyes widened in surprise. He turned on his side, moving himself so that he could actually see Rin, not that it mattered, considering the darkness. That, and Rin was facing away, totally opposite of Haruka.

So Haruka smiled.

"That's really nice, Rin."

"Shut up, I can be nice. It's not your fault you guys have a crappy pool..."

Lies. Rin actually thought Iwatobi's pool was great, and in great shape. And then he'd found out that his friends had fixed it up and maintained it almost completely on their own.

...and he'd learned of just how much they'd done. How much they'd accomplished without him. As a team, as people...

"...hey...uh...about your drawings-"

"I use pencils and colored pencils."

"Not that! Like I give a shit..."

Haruka heard Rin scoff and get annoyed, and he almost laughed. Very nearly.

"Then what?"

"...is it...how long does it take for you to draw someone? Like, how long did it take you to draw Rei?"

"Why?"

"Because...'cause I wanna know, okay!? Up until ten minutes ago I thought you were like, part fish, and now you're like, Fish _Monet_. It's not _my_ fault that I don't know, you gotta tell me these things."

"...sorry."

Haruka spoke quietly, not really feeling apologetic so much as guilty.

"Ugh, don't be sorry, Jesus. It's not your fault, either...it's nobody's fault...shit happened."

"Yeah."

. . .

"...if _you_ had any new skills or interests since you left, I wouldn't know, either."

Rin took awhile in answering, and it set Haruka back on edge. This was weird, talking to him like this. Talking to him at all. Him being here; they hadn't even had a sleepover as kids, and here they were now.

"..I...n-no, nothing. No new hobbies...nothing."

"Oh."

. . .

. . .

"I also took up the violin."

Rin whirled around, finally facing Haruka with huge eyes and gaping mouth.

" _What the hell_!?"

" _Joking_. I'm joking."

"...uuugh, don't _do_ that!"

Rin gave Haruka playful punch on the shoulder, and he started laughing. The moment was so ridiculous that it made the Haruka let out a small bubble of laughter, and all of a sudden, Rin fell silent, his smile gone, and he just... _stared_ at Haruka. The laughter stopped completely, and for several long moments the only sound was the rain, which seemed to have picked up. When had that happened? Why hadn't either of them noticed?

They were both just staring, Rin in wonder, Haruka in quiet contemplation.

Then Rin's eyes drifted downward, and Haruka knew where he was looking even before Rin voiced what had been needling on his mind.

"...it's not bad."

"What isn't?"

"...that I'm not in it. I don't care."

"..."

He laughed to himself, but it sounded off, and he ran his fingers through his hair, pushing back his bangs only to have them fall in front of his eyes again. Haruka blinked and wondered if this was really happening, if he was actually hearing this.

"You said two years ago, right? You had other shit going on, and I wasn't here, and we...weren't...yeah, I get it."

"Rin-"

"Nah, really, it's cool. I don't care."

...now _that_ was a lie. Haruka could read that much. He knew gestures, he knew expressions. Rin cared immensely, and he dared say that his friend was hurt...no...he _definitely_ was. Rin was hurting.

His jaw was set, a hard line on it, and he wasn't quite frowning so much as trying not to show anything at all. And he wasn't looking at Haruka anymore...his fingers were fidgeting with the futon. His voice, distant. Everything about him...distant.

Again.

"..."

"...I can now."

"...huh?"

"You're here. I can see what you look like, and swim like...I can draw you now."

"..."

"I mean, not _right_ now, but...maybe soon."

He could feel that energy buzzing in his fingertips. Haruka wanted to draw Rin right this very _moment_ , but he wouldn't put Rin in that position. He'd never asked his friends to pose for him or anything, and to draw someone who was right there, next to him...it wouldn't settle right.

After Rin left in the morning, he'd get to work. Devote an entire page to him, maybe two. He'd take his time with it. Maybe a few days. Sketch it, get every detail right, every color and hue, every shade...

The door was open, but Rin still hadn't walked in yet.

With a quiet, grateful smile, Rin spoke, and Haruka's breath caught in his throat.

"Thanks, Haru."

"...no problem."

Haruka rolled onto his back, breaking their gaze and feeling a quiet relief wash over him. He could still feel Rin's eyes on him, but Haruka chose to focus on the ceiling once again.

"...it's just fair that way. I didn't draw you because you weren't here, but...you're here now, so I can... _should_ do it."

"You don't have to-"

"I _want_ to."

Haruka cut him off, and all was still.

"...I hardly ever get to use my red pencil, so..."

. . .

. . .

He turned his head; Rin was still fixed on him. He didn't look happy, or sad...he looked tense. Even through the dark, Haruka could see his friend's Adam's apple dipping, as if he were about to say something...but he never did.

"...Rin?"

"...I _did_ miss you guys. I did."

Haruka only nodded as he looked away; he knew that. He knew everything now. He understood everything. Why Rin had left. Why he'd reacted the way he had. How he'd felt. How much he'd missed them...

. . .

"We're glad that you're back, Rin... _I'm_ glad you're back."

"Haru..."

. . .

Rain, falling hard on the roof above them and the grass and stone outside.

Sheets, rustling quietly as they were moved aside from the futon below.

A bed, creaking gently under more weight than it was intended to handle as Rin climbed up to it and brought himself over Haruka, on his hands and knees above him.

A startled ' _Rin_ ,' spoken much more loudly than Haruka had meant for it to be, rightfully confused, and he was grateful for the fact that he lived alone.

And then a soft muffled sound of surprise, not distressed or panicked, just...surprised.

His friend Rin was kissing him, their lips just barely brushing. There was a thin line of fear that was very present between them, like a film that was dissolving bit by bit, but it wasn't from Haruka.

Haruka wasn't afraid.

It was strange how it was when the kiss ended that his body flooded with warmth, that moment when Rin broke away from him, and for a moment the two boys just took each other in through the darkness, sharing the same expression. Their flushed cheeks. The way Rin's hair was falling in front of his face. The way he was looking at Haruka, breathing as if he'd just convinced himself to jump off a cliff.

"..."

"...Rin?"

Haruka broke the silence, and he very nearly acted upon the urge to touch Rin, to put his hand on his cheek, but then Rin scuttled away toward the footboard, 'freeing' Haruka and muttering an ' _Oh God_ ,' under his breath. Haruka shifted himself into a sitting position, his back against the wall.

"Oh God...oh God, oh God...shit..."

"Rin, it's fi–"

"No, _shut up_ , just...j-just shut up, gimme a sec..."

...his hands were shaking. Rin had his hand over his mouth, so it was plain to see the tremor, and Haruka slowly moved to open the window so that some fresh air could come in. The rain immediately grew in volume, with no filter to block it out, and when Rin nodded, he opened it further.

He stayed quiet, watching Rin collect himself, a million questions forming at once in his mind. He wouldn't speak, though. Not yet.

There was a lot of talking to make up for, it seemed, for the both of them.

After several moments, Rin's hand fell to the bed, and very quietly, he moved over to take Haruka's hands. His head was down, and his voice was so soft, laced with a fear and emotion that Haruka could only remember hearing from him once before...not too long ago.

He waited, his hands in Rin's, and he still wasn't frightened, or worried, or even that surprised anymore. He was just anxious.

Excited.

"...Haru..."

. . .

"...that was...I-I wanted to–"

The grip tightened, and finally he looked up to his friend; Haruka hadn't looked away, though he did flinch. Rin looked so scared...so vulnerable.

"I thought about you every day in Australia."

. . .

"...and...and it was good at first, like, I wanted to come back and beat you and then you'd be impressed, and we'd be an awesome team again...but then I came back, and I lost, and...and I thought about how for a year, I'd worked and worked, for nothing. I wasted a _year_ working my ass off, only to not get any better, when I could've...when I could've been home, swimming with you guys...swimming with _you_. And then, when we raced again, and I beat you, I wanted you to see me, and I wanted you to be..."

"...jealous?"

"...yeah..."

. . .

"And then I heard you stopped swimming competitively, and I just lost it, because...that meant three more years of working and getting better, for myself and to show you up...part of it was for nothing. I wondered why I _cared_ so much. It was only you; you'd think it'd be the whole team, or maybe Makoto, but...it was just you, Haru. I wanted to come back and see you, and swim with you, but you'd changed, too..."

Haruka listened, feeling a bit spotlighted all of a sudden. How long had Rin been letting these thoughts fester? Months? Years?

"You were still weird and shit, but...you were calmer. And less interested. And...you'd gotten taller...you weren't that cute little brat from the swim club anymore. I mean, you aren't."

" _You_ aren't cute anymore, either."

"Shut up..."

Rin laughed, and it was a wonderful sound. This horrible tension that had fallen over the both of them dissipated somewhat, and Rin continued with a new confidence, a gentle smile on his face.

"I want to swim with you...and Makoto, and Nagisa, and Rei. But you the most."

. . .

"...what? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Haruka smiled softly. He was amused. Incredibly amused, and he let it show.

"Because you told me a lot of things I already knew as if I didn't know them, and...it didn't really explain why you kissed me."

"...o-oh..."

. . .

"I told you...I missed you...a-and you're not cute anymore."

"What am I then?"

A teasing question that Haruka hadn't prepared to get a legitimate answer to. Oh no. He'd anticipated a ' _Shut up_!' or a ' _A moron_ ' or something like that. But no. What Haruka received was a completely straightforward, soft-spoken, " _Beautiful_ ," and then Rin's hands went to the Haruka's face, cupping his cheeks and searching him for a moment before meeting his lips for the second time. This time, Haruka's eyes drifted shut. He wasn't interested in gauging Rin's reactions anymore. No, it was just Rin that he wanted.

His precious friend that, at one point, he thought he'd never have again.

His bedroom had gained a chill, what with the window open, and Haruka's arms crept around him, pulling him closer, and Rin did one better, sinking into the embrace and finding a comfortable place between Haruka's legs.

He was smiling. Haruka couldn't see it, but he could certainly feel it. Rin was happy.

Haruka would be lying if he said _he_ weren't feeling rather satisfied himself. Content. Comfortable. Safe. A bit conflicted...but overall, very good.

He could slowly feel his doubts about this situation slipping away.

Rin was surprising him with how careful he was being. For someone so headstrong and brash, his touch was fleeting on Haruka's skin, very exploratory and cautious, as if afraid he'd leave a mark. It made him shiver every so often, particularly when he could feel Rin's fingertips on his stomach, and then his palm as his hand dipped under his shirt, and then the other, feeling Haruka up. Their lips were still locked together, and it was almost a struggle to breathe; neither boy wanted to be the first to stop.

In the end, Haruka broke away and took shirt off, and he watched Rin get rid of his own before falling back into their kiss again. They were slow but excited, with many questions that they figured could be asked and answered later, or at least that's how Haruka felt right now.

Haruka also felt hot. Incredibly warm, and he wondered if it was him reacting to Rin or if Rin himself was excited. It was most likely a mixture of both, and it heightened when their lips parted, their tongues giving them both new sensations as they clashed softly.

Their baths were recent enough that the soft scent of rinse and shampoo lingered in the air, and the feeling of their fingers running smoothly through each other's hair was incredible, silky, damp, the only cold part about them. Haruka had taken to using both hands, combing through once and coming to a stop at the nape, his arms resting and wrapping around Rin's shoulders. He hummed softly, the first sound he'd made thus far, though it had hardly been in his control.

"Haru–"

His eyelids opened slowly, a bit dazed, and he looked at Rin for the first time since they'd started, swallowing dryly.

Had Rin's eyes always looked like this? They shined, but at the same time, they were clouded over, murky. His skin was flushed, lips red, fighting to catch his breath... _red_. Everything about Rin was red. He was charged and passionate and excited, heated...intense–

"I love you."

...and completely dangerous.

Haruka froze at the shaking words, arms still around his Rin, refusing to so much as twitch.

... _what_?

"I thought you didn't care...I thought you'd–...I thought I'd-"

. . .

"...I thought I'd ruined everything."

His arms went around the Haruka, behind his back, and Haruka was silent.

"...our relay, at regionals, swimming with you...I know why I'm alive now. I know why I'm here. I...I want to _be_ with you. I want to _swim_ with you and...a–and _talk_ to you. I don't want anything like what happened before to–"

"It won't."

Haruka interrupted him, and Rin stopped.

"...it won't happen again. Even if you went back to Australia, everything's okay now... _we're_ okay now."

"Haru..."

And they were kissing again, starting just as slowly as they'd been going but very quickly growing in intensity, a bit less careful, now that they'd already gotten a sense of what to do.

Haruka knew who Rin was. He knew that Rin was always the one. From the very start, from the _beginning_ , the catalyst had been him. From the day they'd met, to the day they'd reunited. Not for the rematch when they were children, but _truly_ reunited with the whole team, that day where dormant emotions suddenly began swirling about in a crazed whirlpool...he _knew_ that Rin was his drive. His invigoration, his challenge, his passion, his blood and sweat. His reason to improve. To succeed.

Rin was to blame.

Rin was why Haruka swam...and he thought that he might love Rin, too.

This person who'd crashed into his life four years ago was stirring him up all over again, only now, he was welcome to do it.

Gentle murmurs mixed with the rain outside, and a low roll of thunder sounded through the world. Their bodies were wound tightly in a burning heat, a comfortable tangle of limbs and skin that-

. . .

. . .

"...uh..."

"Oh."

...well, this has escalated quickly. Haruka could feel Rin prodding at him through his shorts, and he was certain that the same could be said vice-versa...

They looked into each other's eyes (and nowhere else) and silently analyzed the situation. Was this really okay? This soon? This soon in _what_?

Were they dating now? Or something? What was this?

"...is it...?"

"...it's fine..."

They chose their words carefully, their movement coming to a standstill. Rin's hands remained frozen on Haruka's hips, and with Haruka's grip on Rin's shoulders, they just...waited. For anything. Someone to back off, or make a first move...

It was Hatuka who'd reacted first, swallowing nervously as Rin allowed his touch to drift downward, taking a moment to focus on Rin's chest, his stomach...and after a silent and tense nod of permission, the hem of his shorts.

"Haru, we don't...it doesn't–"

"I want to do this with you."

. . .

Rin's complexion took on an even darker shade of scarlet, and he clicked his tongue. Haruka smiled, fighting a laugh at how annoyed he looked right now; maybe he shouldn't just say things like that so suddenly.

It seemed he had been forgiven for embarrassing Rin, though, as Haruka was being kissed again, this time with more of a hunger in it. Haruka breathed when he could, short gasps and quiet sighs of exhales. However, Rin suddenly decided to start kissing at his neck, and breathing suddenly became the absolute _least_ of Haruka's concerns, no, _now_ it was volume. He could breathe just _fine_ now, but... _damn_ , that felt good. He shuddered, and embarrassingly enough, so did his voice as he murmured a cautious ' _Rin_ ,' who came up from Haruka's shoulder with concern on his face.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...not that fast."

"Oh...y-yeah, okay."

Rin took back to him, his front pressed against Haruka, their hips scraping. They both made such embarrassing noises, little keens and gasps that, anywhere else but here, would have been enit rely indecent.

It was wonderful.

" _Ah_ -"

Haruka's lower half twitched when a new sensation hit him; Rin's hand, carefully sliving along his leg and up his shorts. Was he warm, or was it Rin? The skin was so sensitive, fingers tracing and teasing at the softness of his thigh. That wasn't fair; why the hell did he get to go so far already?.

Haruka rolled his hips upward, purposefully attempting to retaliate in some way, and oh, he got results. Both boys let out a sound of restraint, Haruka's quiet and vulnerable, Rin's a hiss of a curse as the fronts of their crotches brushed. They halted for a long moment to recover, but they realized that there _was_ no recovering. There was no waiting anymore, not after that.

Rin looked incredible, and Haruka wanted him. Haruka wanted him right _now_ , and it was plain to see that the feelings were mutual, seeing as Rin had gone back Haruka's neck. Now it was hard to speak again...

"Do you have anything?"

"I didn't even bring a  _shirt_."

"Okay...I have stuff."

Haruka winced at Rin's reaction, the way he'd stopped everything and sat up, confusion on his face.

"...y–...you do?"

. . .

A soft nod.

. . .

"...have you–? I mean, that's fine, if you have–."

"i haven't. There was one time...we stopped before anything actually happened."

Rin stared, and he knew deep down that he didn't even need to ask Haruka who it had nearly been. Haruka pieced together that he knew and respected Rin's intelligence by not explaining any further. Not now, anyway. Later, definitely, but not now.

Makoto.

Just...one day, the two friends had grown rather bored, and...well...started experimenting. It had started with kissing. Kissing turned to grinding, and grinding turned into an attempt of actual sex a few weeks later. They'd gotten as far as Haruka sitting on Makoto's lap, both fully clothed, before Makoto had caved, practically in tears, saying how he didn't want to spoil their friendship, and that he was actually fairly scared of hurting Haruka.

They'd stopped immediately and played Animal Crossing Deep Sea for the rest of the day. Like it never happened, which was fine with the both of them. They'd tried, discovered a few new things about themselves (and each other), and that was that.

Haruka gently tapped Rin's chest, gesturing for him to sit up further so that he could get up. He was free within a second, peeling himself up from the covers and standing shakily. He stepped over the futon (he might as well just it put away) and headed toward his dresser, quietly shuffling through his top drawer until he found a dinged up box of condoms and a small bottle of lube, both completely untouched and unused; hell, the plastic sealing on the lube hadn't even been torn off yet. These hadn't expired, right? No, they should be fine.

A soft cough from behind him brought Haruka from his thoughts, and he turned around to bring the necessities back to the bed, sitting calmly beside Rin, who scooted himself over to get a better look.

"...how do you wanna...?"

"Dunno."

"Well, what were you gonna do that otheir time?"

"..."

"...shit, sorry, that was _really_ fucking stu-"

"It's fine. We can do that."

"Wait, do what?"

"Lie down."

"...o-okay."

Haruka took charge, gently pushing Rin down to the sheets and laying himself on top wItoh another kiss, one hand softy caressing his cheek and the other drifting its way underneath Rin's shorts, past the elastic of his boxers, and then-

" _Fu_ -"

Rin was cut off by Haruka's lips, a curse that turned quietly into shuddered moans and breaths into Haruka's mouth.

Rin was hard. So was Haruka, but it wasn't this bad, was it? No wonder Rin sounded like this; what sort of hidden patience was this?

...he looked  _really_ good right now. Literally in the palm of Haruka's hand, and his face, his voice...and now Rin was moving to get his shorts off altogether. Making things easier for himself and Haruka.

Wanting Haruka to do more, practically _begging_ him to.

... _damn_.

Alright, _now_ Haruka was just as aroused, if not more so. He adjusted himself on Rin and took his hand, but before he could indicate anything, or even _suggest_ anything, Rin sat up and obliged his whims, gently stroking Haruka through his loose shorts. Haruka choked on a sob, covering his mouth, but his hand was torn away by Rin, and they were kissing again, if one could call two open mouths panting and moaning desperately into each other a kiss.

"W-wait, _wait_."

Haruka forced out his demand before backing off, and he started taking off his shorts, a task that Rin found himself more than happy to assist in. Down to their boxers (miraculously, Haruka was wearing proper undergarments), Rin went further, or rather, where Haruka had already gone, touching skin and receiving a low moan and the reward of added effort to his own undoing. They kept at it for awhile, masturbating each other, testing with different speeds or movements; Haruka had used both hands, just to try, and for a moment Rin gotten so loud, he'd thought Rin had come, but no, not yet...good.

They were hardly tentative anymore. Their bodies were open, fair game, so long as the other agreed.

...and then they'd stopped. Haruka had hooked his fingers a bit shakily under Rin's waistband, and Rin had nodded, and then, finally, he was completely undressed, bared for Haruka and Haruka alone.

Despite the pounding in his chest, he'd never felt more safe.

Haruka stripped away his last bit of his own clothing, sitting nude between Rin's legs.  
. . .

And then they were still. They both knew that at any point if the other decided to bail, then they would bail, and that was fine, they would stop.

Not that either of them wanted to stop in the slightest.

Haruka quietly reached for the box of condoms and broke it open, pulling one out and handing it to Rin without a word. It was his friend's trembling hand that took it, tore it open, and calmly rolled it over his own length.

He noticed that Haruka wasn't getting one for himself...did that mean...?

"I'm doing it myself."

"...alright...go for it."

' _Go for it_?' What kind of _stupid_...ugh, Rin could just die. However, his self-loathing when it came to being smooth withered the second he saw Haruka dispense a small bit of the lube onto his own fingers. It looked like clear liquid soap...he'd never really messed with this sort of thing before now.

There was just the sound of rain pounding down for a moment or two, soon mingling with the wet sound of Haruka prepping himself, wet and steady. Rin couldn't look away, completely mesmerized by Haruka's face...the way he was ever-so-slightly screwed up in concentration, mixed with tinges of pain.

He couldn't resist. Rin brought himself over to Haruka, kissing him, stroking him, anything to help him relax. Maye it was because he thought Haruka looked irresistible right now, but for the most part, Rin's intentions were pure and Haruka didn't seem to mind.

Haruka stopped at three fingers, figuring that would be adequate as he gently moved to straddle his friend.

. . .

It still amazed Haruka, just _seeing_ him lying there, happy, smiling, a bit out of breath. They'd spent their evening together, talking, catching up, admitting, confessing, and now...

Rin was in his heart.

Haruka raised himself slightly up from his Rin, steadily hovering over him while he reached under for Rin's leight. His gaze was focused on Rin's stomach for concentration, but then he looked straight into his eyes, gauging him, seeing if there was any sign of discomfort or regret, anything.

There was nothing but anticipation and desire in Rin's eyes, and he smiled, albeit nervously, but genuinely.

. . .

Haruka smiled back, though the expression did waver as he lowered his hips, the head of Rin's erection pushing at his entrance until it went inside. He gasped loudly, pained, and Rin tensed. Haruka could feel everything.

"T-take your time."

"I am."

"No, really, don't rush or-"

" _Shut up_ , _Rin_."

Rin put his hands up in the universal ' _Fine_ , _fine_ ' gesture before placing them on Haruka's hips. Having Rin fret over hI'm wouldn't do either of them any good...he needed to breathe...he needed to relax.

After a few breaths, he pushed himself further down, stopping again after only a little bit. He could hear Rin holding himself back, and Haruka could feel the tremble in his hands, how badly he wanted to move...

It took him ages to work his way down to the base, and it hurt, his eyes shut tightly in pain and determination. He'd known it would hurt, but he'd had no idea it would be _this_ bad. Maybe he ought to have spent more time on three fingers, because Rin was stretching him far more than he'd expected.

He felt his hands slowly being clasped, and he opened his eyes wearily. Rin was gazing up at him with such awe, pure adoration, and apology, and...love? Was _that_ what love looked like? It looked like something between the adoring and the awe, something warm and gentle, understanding. Whatever it was, it was plain as day in Rin's eyes, and Haruka was enraptured.

A gentle squeeze to his palms came with the strained instructions.

"If it hurts, hold them as hard as you can. Hurt me, too."

"...I don't want to hurt you."

Haruka shook his head no, but Rin only grinned, which was something that looked incredibly soothing during an act like this.

"Come on. Get back at me. I almost decked you at regionals; a little hand cramp for me compared to what you're doing now isn't enough, but we'll figure out some new stuff, right?"

. . .

"...you're such a pain."

Haruka rolled his eyes, ignoring the gentle laugh he received from Rin.

He gripped Rin's hands tightly, beginning to move, their knuckles turning white almost simultaneously. Haruka winced, but every little bit of pain he felt was sent straight to Rin's, and...it helped. Somehow, it helped him adjust, and he got a little quicker, and then he told Rin (very quietly, very shakily) that it was alright for him to move now, and then, _oh_.

Haruka was quiet. He was still quiet, even now, but Rin heard each and every little gasp and moan and whine, and he savored every dry whisper or tiny mewl of his name from his lips.

Their heat mingled, bodies colliding, their voices clashing, and, all too soon, it was over. Rin had been stimulated for far longer than Haruka, so it only made sense that he came first, going loose and slipping out of him. However, the second the younger boy had heard that pitiful whimper ' _Rin_ ' come from his still very much aroused friend, he aided him, pushing him down into a charged kiss and stroking him until he heard it again, ' _Rin_ ,' only this time with the name being sobbed out as a soft cry of bliss.

Haruka had barely recovered, body trembling, thighs quivering, before Rin came down to kiss at his neck again, his arms going around him in the heat of a tender moment. Haruka, of course, returned the embrace, but soon after murmured ' _Get off_ ,' to which Rin did, choosing to lay himself beside Haruka and...then they gazed at each other for a long while, catching their breath, basking in each other'e glow...

Rin took Haruka's hand and kissed his knuckles softly, one by one, with Haruka watching him, thinking.

It would be wrong to simply 'enjoy this moment.' It'd be more than wrong to let something like that go by as just 'fun' or recreation. Haruka looked at Rin, and he felt happy. He felt joy. He felt challenged.

He felt _alive_.

"...I love you, too."

It was long overdue, but the look on Rin's face was worth it. The way his eyes had suddenly lit up from the fatigue, glistening with tears. The slow, incredible smile that had plastered itself on his face. And then the way he'd said it again, ' _I love you_ ,' as he held Haruka's hand.

And then he'd fallen asleep after a few minutes. Haruka hadn't. How could he? There were too many things to think about...how would they make this work? Who would they tell first? Or would they tell everyone at once? Would they tell anyone at all? How would their schedules mesh? And how would they date? Had _this_ been a date? Had they gone too far?

Haruka glanced over at Rin, who slept peacefully, a soft smile on his face and one or two streaks left from tears on his cheeks.  
. . .

There was _one_ place to start, Haruka supposed.

. . . . . . .

"...Haru?"

Rin groaned softly, his arm moving to wrap around Haruka's body, but there wasn't a body to hold at all. It was morning, the sunlight streaming in through the open window. Rin pulled the blankets over himself tightly. _Jesus_ , it was cold...where was Haruka?

His eyes caught something in his periphery, and he turned to look at it dead-on; a blue book, lying on the foot of the bed...with a yellow Post-It note on top. He frowned, reaching for it through the blanket (he didn't dare come out of this warm shelter) and pulling it over...he'd watched Haruka put this thing away. Why was it out?

. . .

' _pg 27_ '

...page twenty-seven?

He allowed his arms and hands to break from the blanket and hold the book properly, thumbing through the pages and trying not let himself count aloud, failing horribly once he hit the 'twenties' portion.

"...five, six, seve-"

. . .

An unused, though rustled up, white futon on the floor. An open window, with dark green plants and trees outside, and lines of rain streaming down from a dark blue-grey sky. A rich brown headboard and footboard of a bed, marked with natural wood markings. A bed with twisted white sheets and a royal blue duvet, creased and lumpy.

...and from the head of the duvet emerged the bare upper half of a person, a person that was a bit tan, make , and he looked so at _peace_ , wearing the most gentle and content expression on his face, the most humbled smile.

His hair was red, with his bangs wisping down into his face, covering his eyes and bits of his neck. Many shades were used here, different pressures. Vevery meticulous work had been done.

One arm was bent close to his body, with that hand resting under his head, fingers curving gently into a 'C.' The other arm was extended into the open area of the bed, and that hand was open, palm up, as if extending an invitation to join him in total tranquility.

And at the bottom, in red colored pencil, was a small signature that read _'Haruka Nanase_ ,' along with today's date, and a note.

' _Mackerel's for breakfast. Come down whenever_.'

. . .

Rin gave himself another thirty minutes before heading downstairs to meet Haruka.

Ten to clean up.

Five to get dressed.

And the rest to finish crying.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this monstrosity my mind conjured two nights ago: http://sleepingtsundere.tumblr.com/post/79013988912/okay-but-no-thinking-about-the-rinharu-duet-drama
> 
> EDIT: On December 29, 2015, this story underwent a major overhaul. Your memory isn't bad, it did read a different way before then.


End file.
